Stress is bad

My last two attacks have happened around the same time of year, right around now.  This time of year seems to be much more stressful for me.  I don’t know if it’s because of the holidays, work or change of weather.  Probably all of the above with work right on the top of my list of stress.  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my job!  We have targets to hit and some months are easier than others.  For some reason this time of year is busy for us and our targets are a lot higher.

But also being that I know this time of year is when I usually have an attack, it’s almost like I’m waiting for my next one.  Sounds crazy but a part of me is skeptical  if the Rebif really is helping.  I’m hopeful that it is though, these shots every other day are not fun at all!  But there’s that slight chance that I can still get a relapse and now every time my eye hurts, fingers fumble, or when I trip over my own feet I start to question if it’s a relapse.  Hello extra unneeded stress!! 

I’ve been trying to get back on an exercise schedule so hopefully soon I can iron out a proper plan and it’ll help.  Plus I’ve been looking into yoga which I know a lot of my MS friends recommend.  For the time being I just need to sit back and relax more. 

I'm coming out...

So I’m a really busy person, I’m also a big procrastinator.  I’d like to apologize on my lack of blogging.

This past weekend I went out with a friend who knew I had some sort of medical secret as I had bailed on a hang out due to shot night.  I don’t use Rebif as an excuse too often but there are those nights where I’m already tired and know I’d be even more tired and cranky the next day if I took my medication too late.  On Saturday the question of what was wrong with me came up a few times but I usually replied with “it’s a long story” and then left it at that.  I knew I’d have to talk about it eventually but every time I rehearsed my speech in my head I couldn’t think of the best way to say it.  Do I go all medical talk? Should I bring up what the future might hold? Will I start crying? Then of course in my mind I would come up with the worst possible scenario for the other person’s reaction. 

But I felt it wasn’t fair to keep avoiding the topic so finally I just came out.  My reply to the question just rolled right off my tongue, “I have MS...multiple sclerosis”.  I didn’t continue, I waited for a reply which came instantly.  It was an accepting “that’s fine”, followed by a few questions asking what MS was.  I did have to educate a little bit, it’s funny how people don’t know a lot about MS.  I always make sure to say that “I’m not dying and I’m not contagious.”  After a few minutes the subject changed and It didn’t come up much the rest of the night.

So here I was all worked up and scared about how to tell someone about my disease and it wasn’t a problem at all.  I think I’m more worried on how people will act around me in the future.  I don’t want to be treated like a sick person with everyone asking how I’m feeling constantly.  Guess we’ll see if anything changes with this specific friend.

Does this make me want to tell more people? Nope.

I tried.

So I was really gung-ho about writing a new post tonight but my hands kill and it hurts to type. I'll try again tomorrow!