pumpkin

(I guess I wrote this one back in September but never posted it...so here it is!)

I can't believe how quickly time has been passing.  Feels like yesterday I was my blog regularly when it's actually been a few months!! Sorry folks.

The leaves are changing colour, my heat has kicked on, the scarves and boots have been pulled out of storage and I'm craving pumpkin spice everything.  These are all signs of my favourite season - autumn.  The fall time usually meant summer break ending, school starting and seeing my friends on a regular basis.  The fall also brings my MS anniversary.  Three years ago I spent a chilly fall night on a hospital bed waiting to see the neurologist.

Looking back at my biggest MS symptoms, they all seemed to come around the same time of year.  Is the fall really that stressful of a time of year for me? Is it the climate? Allergies? All of the above?  I guess I'll never actually know.  Is anyone else finding a pattern to their disease??

This past week I've noticed my legs starting to feel funny.  I don't even know how to describe the feeling, maybe fuzzy with a touch of burning and throw in a bit of weakness and unsteadiness.  Fairly stressful if you ask me...


******
Update since I last wrote this post:

So I finally called the MS clinic as my legs were not getting any better.  They insisted that I go to see my physician to rule out infection and to firstly rule out a urinary tract infection.  Now, normally you have symptoms associated with a uti so I was convinced this time it was a full relapse and the specialist didn't know what they were talking about.  But of course, they were right.  The walk-in clinic doctor seemed shocked that I didn't have any real symptoms but he put me on a round of antibiotics and the fuzzy feeling in my legs slowly disappeared.

Guess I'm relieved it wasn't an actual relapse and now I know to see my doctor before I start to panic...and I'll go sooner rather than later.

don't forget to remember me

There are days that I forget I even have MS.  It doesn't happen too often, and especially not on Tuesday, Thursday or Sunday since my phone reminds me it's shot night.  I don't forget when I'm at the gym running on the treadmill and my legs go numb or when I'm carrying something and I realize I can't feel my hands.  But the odd time I'm so in the moment that I completely forget all about my MS symptoms.  Oh how I love those days.

People that know about my disease tend to forget too - although, way more often.  I'm coming across this in my workplace at the moment.  I'm so close to emailing my coworkers and management "I HAVE MS. LEAVE ME ALONE OR LEND ME A HAND."  Most of my colleagues have known I have MS since my diagnosis and not too long ago I came out to the rest of the company.  But the novelty of my post they all read over 6 months ago has warn off.  I find that now if I ever ask for a bit of help, I get eye rolls.  Even my boss has managed to push me to my limit and has completely *stressed me out that I've had to see my physician for a prescription of something to calm me down.  (*Stress + MS = bad) 

I guess I am mostly to blame.  I'm the type of person that if you ask me to jump I ask you how high.  I'm that person that shows up early, works through lunch and stays later.  I offer to help, even when I don't have time to - I always make time to help.  People notice this and forget that I still get the worst stabbing pain behind my eye halfway through the day or that I've dropped the pen/paper clip/business card numerous times because my hands are numb or even that I've stumbled into the same wall at least four times before lunch.  These little symptoms can often impact my whole day and slow me down.

MS is an invisible disease and as much as I don't want to get treated differently, I do want people to sometimes back off.  Is it so bad I feel this way?  Are there days you just want to remind people??

what's wrong with you?!

    Most of my friends, coworkers and family know what's "wrong" with me.  Either they've asked, found out through the grape vine or I've flat out told them.  It makes it easier for me knowing that I don't have to explain to them why I can't stay out to late on Sunday/Tuesday/Thursday, or why I'm so tired at 2pm in the afternoon.  Since moving to a new city and making new friends, I'm being questioned about my injection marks or excuses regarding not going out and I simply answer with "it's a long story" or "don't worry about it".  Now that seems like a pretty simple answer, but no, that usually sparks a reply of "I've got time, tell me".

   Basically I have an autoimmune disorder called multiple sclerosis.  The wiring in my brain "short circuits" and some signals don't get sent properly to the rest of my body.  Symptoms of MS can range from muscle weakness, loss in coordination, fatigue, vision problems and even paralysis.  Some people experience acute symptoms and others have chronic symptoms that don't always go away.  There is no way to know when another relapse can happen or even what part of the body it will affect.

     Neither a cause or cure is known and I take a medication that slows down the progression of the disease.  It is taken by subcutaneous injection (just below the skin) three times a week and there are a few side effects which I try to sleep off with an ibuprofen.  I'm not contagious nor am I dying.  I've learned to accept this disease and am in a much better place than I was over a year ago (proof of this is in my very first blog posts).  I can finally talk about MS and I am always willing to answer questions to the best of my knowledge.  If it wasn't for the support of my friends, family, colleagues and twitter crew, I would not be in the zone I am today.  I'm so grateful; everything happens for a reason and you must learn to adapt and overcome. 

   #beatMS

london fog

I'm currently sitting in a William's cafe in London and I felt it was fitting to order a "London Fog" - with soy of course!  I'm here hoping that a change of scenery will help me write my new big important blog.  What better way to procrastinate than to update this blog first?!  It was a long weekend and I took an extra few days to reorganize my place and just enjoy the city.

London really is a cute little town!  Everything is about 15-20 minutes away...everything.  One mall is maybe 5 minutes closer but the city planners managed to make both malls equally necessary to go to.  For example one has Forever 21 but the other one has H&M, or they both have The Bay but one store doesn't have housewares so you have to go to the other one.

The downtown is a cute area as well, lots of little shops, cafes and restaurants.  Now I just need to make more local friends so I have someone else to enjoy them with!  I do have a few friends here already, but  people have their own lives and I can't constantly bother these friends.  Luckily my Windsor friends are still amazing and have come to visit almost every other weekend.

The past few days I've really gotten extra strict with my gluten and dairy free diet.  So far I'm going strong!  I cleared out my fridge and cupboards so I can't even cheat at home if I tried.  The most difficult is when I'm out with friends.  I have also increased my exercising!  I'm doing workout videos in my living room (I realllyyyy hope that the apartment below me cannot hear me doing jumping jacks...) and today I went for a 3km walk and jogged a total of 5 minutes of that.  The walking is getting easier but the jogging made my legs feel like a bowl of jello and I couldn't concentrate on my steps.  I got nervous that I'd trip and fall so I slowed back down to a walk.  They didn't build rome in one day, right?  Just need to be patient with my body.

If I have time today I want to swing by the MS society.  I've taken a peak at their website but I do better when someone explains things that pertain to me and I don't have to weed through other information.  Speaking of MS society, our MS walk team raised a total of $3400!!! I'm so happy :)

update.

Yesterday was the start of week five.  I've finally gotten a hang of things like cooking, laundry, working and cleaning.  I find that I've been so busy that I haven't even had a minute to sit down and enjoy my new place.

One of my biggest fears with moving was that the stress of bigger responsibilities and a new job would lead to a relapse.  Unfortunately all of this busy-ness and increase in activity has spiked a bit more of my symptoms but luckily nothing too serious.  Like usual, my hands are affected the most.  Currently they are buzzing and just have this general feeling of ache, I don't even know how to explain it.  Plus when I'm walking longer distances, my legs have this "asleep" sensation.  Both things are mostly just a nuisance.

I'm really trying to change my diet for the better, but it's a lot more difficult than I thought!! Friends want to go out to eat and share appetizers and I always says "just this once, I'll be better tomorrow".  From now on I will be obedient and say no!  The whole exercise thing is going slowly.  With the nicer weather, I am starting to walk to/from work! Plus I found a friend to go for walks with after work down by the river.  Next week I'm hoping to have caught up on sleep and I can start waking up earlier to do a quick 30 minute workout video.

Oh PS - the MS walk was on the weekend.  My team of 4 people raised over $3400!!! I'm SO grateful for everyone that supported me by donation, by walking or just by wishing me good luck.  Next year I'll be volunteering...

That is all for now, just wanted to do a quick update.

neglect

When I first moved out I made a vow that I would never bring my Macbook or iPad to bed - well I lied. It's been a while since I've posted and it was too cold in the living room. I promise no more after this!

I feel like I'm neglecting you...I really am not, I've just been so busy!! I mostly just wanted to make sure that you all knew that I was still alive and absolutely loving living in this new city in my little apartment! I have been on the go cooking, cleaning, shopping, visiting, working, cleaning, shopping, cooking and partying. Last week I had a night off and I couldn't even sit still, I felt the need to go do something!!

The weather is getting nicer and I started walking more. I've also started eating healthier and both things are making me feel great. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a new naturopath, I'll let you know how that goes. I'm excited to hear her point of view on handling this crazy auto immune disease.

PS I called my ms nurse today to book another appointment with someone to reteach me injection sites as I really suck at rotating. Third times a charm I hope. Do you all rotate properly and use your different areas??

MS & the City

It's been a few weeks since you've heard from me; my crazy hectic life is to blame.  The last I blogged I mentioned there was going to be a big change.  In 4 days I'm moving 2 hours from home to a bigger city where I only know a handful of people.  As scary as that sounds, I'm actually equally excited as I am nervous.  

You often hear about the care taker role of a loved one with Multiple Sclerosis.  I want to prove that I don't need that and that I'm just as independent as I was before my diagnosis.  It isn't me proving this to others, it's proving myself to me personally.  Living at home with my family I find that I need to explain everything I'm doing, eat everything they're eating, go everywhere they go.  This doesn't leave me with much independence or choice.  

This move will force me to learn how to cook and I plan on cooking healthier.  Not the whole grain bread, diet soda, light mayo diet.  I'm going Paleo!  Once I'm settled and ready to start cooking, I will post how the diet works and keep you updated on my progress.  I also plan on getting in a lot more exercise.  My office is about a 10-15 min walk from my apartment.  This will guarantee 30 minutes to an hour of walking if I decide to go home for lunch.  Plus there's a gym just across the street so I really have no excuse to not get a workout in at least every day.  Weekends I'll save for visiting home or adventuring and meeting new people.  I know this new lifestyle is exactly what my MS needs and I need the city for this lifestyle.

So I welcome you to follow me on my newest adventure.  Any tips, advice or support are all appreciated!

pep talk

It's official, I have survived ONE YEAR on Rebif!  One year ago I did my very first injection.  I actually had my doubts and didn't think I'd live through a week.  I didn't think I'd be able to stick myself with a needle, I didn't think I'd be able to deal with the burning or the side effects, I didn't think I'd follow the schedule or be consistent with the process.  But I did!! 156 injections.  All it took was a bit of a pep talk before each injection "it'll only hurt for 20 seconds", "I survived my last one", "tonight's side effects won't be that bad", "there's ice cream in the freezer" - the ice cream bribe always works.

Another big change is going to happen in my life, I've wanted this for a while and now that it's here I'm starting to get cold feet.  Just like with the injections, I only need a bit of a pep talk.  I am a powerful young lady and I can and will get through this next chapter of my life.  I will rock at whatever I do.  This is my time.

On that note, here's another great pep talk for all of you wonderful people!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-gQLqv9f4o

am i crazy? or just crazy?

I had the intention of writing my next post on being positive and how positivity makes the world go round and how if you're positive, your MS isn't as bad.

Well, funny story; I've been back to work for two days and I've got nothing but stress.  Now stress often leads to a lot of problems and for me it seems to lead to more anxiety.  I already suffer from anxiety on a day to day basis, but this is by far the worst it has ever been.

It's not just big decisions that make me anxious, it's even the little things.

I might just be crazy and this might not have anything to do with multiple sclerosis.  Does anyone else suffer from anxiety?  What do you do to help?  I'm calling my neuro first thing in the am!

Argh, matey!

I'm baaaacccckkkk! I guess I'll dedicate this post to tell you all about my little vacation; my work recognizes the top performers in the company and sends them on a nice trip. Last year was Vegas, this year was a cruise to the Bahamas!

My goal during this trip was to get as much vitamin D as possible and maybe get a glowing complexion aka a tan. That definitely did not happen as it rained 75% of the time with the other 25% being chilly and overcast.

You want to know what though? I had an amazing time! I wasn't concerned about my injection marks because I didn't have any reason to hang out in just my bathing suit, I starfished on the most comfortable king size beds, enjoyed quiet time on my balcony with a coffee and book watching the rain, made new friends, rekindled with old ones, drank more margaritas than I should have, rocked a long gown, and danced my butt off til the wee hours of the morning.  Needless to say, I am completely exhausted. Between travel, meetings and planned events, I was always doing something.

Last week I went back and read a few of my first posts and got a hint of resentment towards my disease. You can tell how much more accepting I am now. When you first get diagnosed you think your life will change for the worst and dreams fly out the window. Two years ago if you told me I'd be happily typing on my iPhone while on a plane talking about a work trip, I likely wouldn't believe you. But here I am sitting in comfort class looking out the window watching the mountains go by.

I'm so honored to have been able to go on such a great trip with an awesome group of colleagues from all over Canada. This trip reminded me to stop worrying about the little things and just go with the flow. It also taught me that my MS can't slow me down if I won't let it.  You'd never guess that I'm youngest high achiever within the company for two years in a row, even with a neurological disease! Take that, MS!

MS, the not so friendly ghost

I should change my job title to "Professional Procrastinator". I leave on my work trip tomorrow and I should be packing but instead I am blogging. I also need to do my hair and paint my nails, plus it's injection night and I need to pack my drugs.  That can wait.

On the weekend I was talking to a nurse friend about me having MS.  She looked at me and gave me that "who cares" look and went ahead and told me that I'm fine.  She said she sees a lot of older people with MS, like in their 70s needing therapy and I have a long road to go.  Okay, that's fine, but I still have the disease today and it's still affecting me right now.

There are over 50 symptoms, and remember, they're different between every single MS person.  I've mentioned a few before: fatigue, depression, pain, numbness/tingling, vertigo, tremor, vision problems, cognitive problems...

Speaking of cognitive problems, it's taking me wayyyy too long to write this blog and I'm starting to forget what my point was.  Yup, there's a good symptom that I have that you don't specifically see.  Some people I'm with on a daily basis might have caught on to my brain farts and forgetfulness, but most of the time you don't realize that it really is a regular thing.

Fatigue. Ugh, the F word.  You know that feeling you get at 3pm on a work day and you just want to crash? Multiply that feeling by 5 times and imagine it as soon as you wake up, a few more times during the day and even at least twice in the evening.  I've caught myself putting my head down on the desk over lunch or laying on the floor in the evening just to attempt to catch some energy.  Throw in some hot weather and I'm donzo (this week in Florida will be interesting...)

A lot of doctors say the disease is painless.  Wrong.  I've come across the oddest types of pain and some of the most severe pain over the past few years.  The most common I have is the stabbing, headache-like pain behind my right eye.  Another is my ribs - especially when it's cold!  It almost feels like I have a belt around my waist with a scarf tied around it, really tight! And of course my hands hurt. They've been an extra pain in the ass this past week.

Then there's the shakes, balance problems, numbness, the odd speech, swallowing or vision problems and of course MS has to hit up the bathroom area.  I've peed twice since starting this blog.  I don't have to go again but don't you worry, in about 20 minutes - boom - I'll "gotta go".

I really am rambling and my MS ADD has kicked in and I can't blog much more.  So I guess the conclusion of today's rant is: no matter how healthy I look and act, I still have MS and still have some crappy days.  Sure, they're working on cures and I hopefully will not ever need a wheelchair or might not need to use a cane until I'm 60, but today was still tough, and tomorrow might be worse.  I've learned to take every day as it comes and try to complain as little as possible.

On a happy note - I go to Florida tomorrow!  I've even pitched in an extra $30 for an exit seat!  Comfort and less anxiety due to more leg space and early boarding.  Let's hope the exit door will not need to be used ;)

chinese hamster ovary cells

I've become a professional procrastinator, especially when it comes to shot night.  My injections happen three times a week - Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday - this way I have the weekends off.  And every STT I manage to find something way more important do to instead of my shot (which by the way, only takes about 5 minutes of my time).  In case my fellow MS'ers want some good ideas on how to keep busy before that not so exciting prick and burn, here's a list of things I do:

• bake; cookies and cakes are usually a win, plus if you make them gluten & dairy free you might feel a bit better about eating them after
• organize your vitamin box for the week
• wash, dry and style your hair; this ones a great time killer for the ladies
• power facial; I feel the need to exfoliate and apply a 20 minute mask every STT, my dermatologist would be so proud
• power nap
• play with a puppy; mine is very energetic and a game of fetch could go on for hours
• research people on Facebook; this is also known as "creeping"
• start a twitter convo with @nickwithMS; because those might last all night
• online shop; you get to avoid the chaos of the mall and you always know where the nearest bathroom is

Now I know it's Tuesday and I just want to let you know that I already did my shot so this is not a way to procrastinate...but now that I think of it, it should be added to the list.

• blog.

Today marked the end of my 11th month on Rebif.  I'd like to thank my insurance company for funding my drug addiction necessity.  Over the past 11 months they have put out enough money to buy me a small vehicle, one with power windows and heated seats!  I am so grateful for them.  Maybe I'll send them a Christmas card this year...

Rebif, aka Interferon beta 1-a, is a disease-modifying therapy.  There are a few different types of therapies out there but I did a lot of research and finally decided on Rebif because it seemed to fit my lifestyle the best.  The idea of these medications is to reduce relapse rate by about one-third.  So far it seems to be working for me!  They are subcutaneous injections and the easiest places I do them are my thighs and stomach.  The medication does have some pretty sour side effects with flu-like symptoms being at the top.  I think I've finally whipped up a good recipe of ibuprofen and sleepy time tea to make that more tolerable.  The red spots at injection site are also another least favourite because they can last for several weeks.  After each injection I usually like to reward myself...which brings me back to today's first point on the list, cookies:

PS this is how they make rebif: purified 166 amino acid glycoprotein produced by recombinant DNA technology using genetically engineered Chinese Hamster Ovary cells into which the human interferon beta gene has been introduced.

That explains my sunflower seed craving..

Let's go to Asia!

The first time I was diagnosed the doctor handed me a book and told me to read it. He then told me I had to return it within a week...
I don't remember what it was called but all I remember was how negative it was and how much it scared me. It talked about wheelchairs and unemployment and needing a caregiver plus a bunch of other frightening things.

Once I returned the book I decided that I should see what our local bookstore had to offer. I picked up "The Multiple Sclerosis Manifesto: Action to Take, Principles to Live By" by Julie Stachowiak. I flipped through it, went to chapters of things that pertained to me and put it to the side. I absolutely hated it!! She too talked about wheelchairs and caregivers plus injections and changes in diet. This was also when I was convinced the doctor was wrong and I'd be fine and I didn't actually have MS.

Three neurologists and a relapse later, I finally believed them. Being a little more welcoming to my disease, I decided to pick this book up once more. Except this time, I LOVED it!! Julie has a PhD in Epidemiology from Johns Hopkins and is a person living with Multiple Sclerosis. I further researched her and found out she writes articles and blogs on about.com for MS where I found even more educating information.

Every Wednesday I get an email newsletter from that website including 4 articles which are almost always spot on to something going on with me that week. She talks about it all!
There was one really interesting article she sent out last week and I just wanted to post it on here because I thought it was brilliant.

Here it is:

"I was recently asked to give a talk to “team captains” for the MS15, the 150-mile bicycle tour between cities all over the United States that raises money for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. I don’t think any of the people in the audience actually had multiple sclerosis (MS), and only a few had loved ones with MS. These people take on an enormous amount of responsibility planning logistics for their company team and knowing a great deal about distance cycling, but not necessarily MS.
I wanted to let them know that their work was appreciated. I also wanted to let them know that “we” are everywhere. I wanted to let them know that just because I marched (rather than rolled) up to the podium, that I, and people like me, still hurt in ways that were difficult to see or understand.

My Visualization Experiment

Here is what I told them:
I want to explain a little about what MS feels like. Words like "tired" or "confused" really are inadequate, so I thought I’d try a little exercise with you, if you wouldn’t mind indulging me.

First, please raise your hand if you’ve ever traveled internationally. [Most of them did.] Okay, good, that is helpful.

Please close your eyes. I want you to really try and come along with me on this trip.

You’ve been asked to take a business trip to a country you’ve never been to — let’s say somewhere in Asia [to make it really far]. It was a last minute request by your boss, so you really don’t feel prepared. Things were rushed and hectic, so you’re not sure if you packed the right stuff (you end up with a carry-on bag that is heavy and bulky), and you were late getting to the airport, so you worried the whole time that you stood in the long security lines that you would miss your flight.

You run to your gate in uncomfortable shoes and a heavy coat with your bags and are the last person to board. You are seated in a middle seat, and there is no room for your bag, so you stuff it under the seat in front of you, meaning you have no place to put your feet except on top of your bag. You are hot from running. (By the way, anyone who has seated themselves in business class, get up and move to the back of the plane for this flight.)

The captain comes on and welcomes the passengers aboard, informing them that flying time is 14 hours.

Fast forward ahead to the end of the flight. Your neighbor kept poking you with his elbow, then fell asleep leaning on you, so you couldn’t sleep. You couldn’t really eat, as your knees prevented your tray table from being level. The person in front of you had their seat reclined anyway, so it was pressing on your knees the whole time.

There is a little turbulence, but the plane finally lands. The person next to you drops their bags on your head trying to get them out of the overhead bin. People are taking their time getting in to the aisle, leaving you in an awkward position while you wait. You stuff your swollen feet in to your shoes and grab your bag, which seems to have gotten heavier.

You finally get off the plane. Nothing is in English (or any other language you may understand). It is 2:00 in the afternoon and everyone seems to know where they are going except you. You have not slept for 36 hours. The sun is streaming in, and everything is very bright and very loud.

So let’s have a look at how you feel at this moment:

· You are so exhausted that you feel slightly nauseous and dizzy.
· You’re confused: you don’t know exactly where you are or where you need to go. You know you will figure it out eventually, but right now, the lights are too bright and the sounds are too loud.
· Your legs are stiff, and your feet are both tingly from falling asleep and painful from your shoes being too tight.
· You need to urinate badly but don’t know where the bathrooms are.
· You are too hot from the coat that you are wearing, because you don’t want to carry it too.
· Your bag is heavy and awkward and you feel too weak to carry it. Then the strap breaks and you want to cry.
Okay, open your eyes. That moment is it. That is MS.

Final Thoughts

I got a little teary at the end of this presentation. To my surprise, however, so did a majority of my audience. I think everyone could relate to how ill you can feel at the end of an international flight when you still have to navigate through unfamiliar territory. I wasn’t asking them to imagine life in a wheelchair or having to give themselves injections every day. I also wasn’t up there to give them a speech about how MS has made me grateful for every day or talk about my “can-do” attitude. I just wanted to give a little glimpse into how I felt every day.
The experience, symptoms and feelings about having MS are different for everyone. If you have MS, you can probably add uncomfortable details in to my “visualization” or create your own that is more appropriate to your situation. If you don’t have MS, but a loved one does, ask them how they feel — really feel — most of the time. Their answer may surprise you.
Again, the point of this exercise was not to get sympathy from my audience (or anyone reading this now). It was to communicate about something that is very central to my life. It was to make a connection with other human beings around this thing called "MS," even if it was just for a moment."


As I post this, I read it for the third time and got a little teary eyed yet again. What an awesome way to explain how we feel!! I can't wait to try this example on friends, family and colleagues.

PS as an update from my last post, I’ve decided to leave my disease to an “ask and I shall tell” basis. Unless someone is nosey enough to bring it up, I won’t talk about it.

to "come out" or not to "come out"

That is the question...

So much for trying to blog more. Sorry friends, guess that means my year is starting off great!!
I turned a quarter of a century at the beginning of the month and it was by far one of my best birthday's ever.  It wasn't anything special, but somehow I really enjoyed it.  There wasn't any drama, all of my friends came out and everyone had a great time - including me.

January is always a busy month for me, it seems like 80% of my friends were born in January.  Every weekend I have been out having a few drinks, dancing, mingling and staying up late.  It sure caught up with me this week though as I had the worst migraine ever.  I never call in sick but this bad boy forced me to.  Spending the day in bed with my puppy and a bottle of Advil managed to make it go away.  *Fingers crossed* I never get one of those again.

I've also been spending a lot of time on twitter.  @neenuh_bee is my alter ego and everyone knows me as Nina Braj.  Some know me as the silly, wino, party animal, loving & friendly Canadian...at least that's what I hope they feel about me!  I've made some great friends over the past few months.  I love that they understand absolutely everything about me and yet they don't even know my real name! I've definitely built a family and I wish M.S. Barbie, Claire, Nick With MS, anonyMS, LisaA and many others lived down the street from me.  Could you imagine what would happen if you put us all in a room with a few bottles of wine? Hah, and I wonder why they think I'm a wino.

Ok it's time for me to get to the point of this post.  I'm contemplating fully "coming out" to my friends and family that don't know about my disease yet. The MS walk is sneaking up and I'm thinking it might be the perfect opportunity for me to bring it up.  I'm pretty sure - actually I know - that a lot more people know about my health than I've told.  People at work have approached me on it and I didn't even realize they knew.  Also, some friends have been acting differently over the past couple years.  Things go through the grape vine way quicker than a bottle of fermented grape juice lasts in my house.

In two weeks I'll be going on a work trip that will require me to wear a bathing suit.  My thighs are covered in red bruises from my weekly Rebif shots and I bet I'll have to explain them to the nosey folk. Maybe this will be a good test run of "coming out".  I can see how my colleagues and superiors handle the news and take it from there.

Anyone have pointers on coming out, because I'm about to get this party started ;)